Happy-flappy

You may have heard about stimming - short for self-stimulation. Stimming is any repetitive movements or sounds that people on the autistic spectrum use to regulate their emotions. We do this when we feel overwhelmed by stimuli, in order to calm ourselves down, but also as an outlet for excitement (which can be positive or negative excitement). Some of us flap our hands or wriggle our fingers, clap, rock our heads or bodies, spin objects, hum, sing, even jump. Most books about autism will tell you about those behaviours.

But what does stimming feel like for an autistic person?

When I'm nervous, I feel like ants running up and down my arms, and they make my fingers wriggle. I also bite my cheeks or lips. It's an outlet for the build-up of anxiety.

When I'm happy, the feelings are bubbling up inside my bones and veins and I need to let it out. I need to dance, clap, jump on the spot, run, or flap my hands.

I am able to contain such outbursts of emotion in public (most of the time anyway) because I know people look at you funny when you suddenly start clapping your hands or dancing. I have been known to start running in the street for no apparent reason. The hidden reason is that I'm happy or excited. I have confused many a bus driver who assumed I was running for the bus stop... when I was in fact running for joy.

When I'm home, however, there is no reason not to. So, I can listen to a favourite song, look at a funny meme, or watch an awesome episode of my favourite TV series... and I can clap or flap my hands or dance, to my heart's content. And I'm lucky enough that my partner doesn't mind (as long as I don't break anything!).

Welcome to my world. I am autistic and proud.